Claiming Voice and Parenting

My son teaches me every day about claiming voice. When I can't claim my voice in a healthy way, I don't allow him to have his. I would rather work things out with him in such a way where neither one of us has to feel powerless. I still have to set healthy boundaries and limits, but I strive to do so in a way that fosters connection rather than resentment.

I fail over and over again, and I also succeed. Having my intention clear helps me stay the course and apologize when I fall short. Sometimes my son and I find our voices when we debrief about a conflict or power struggle gone awry. After the fact, when we’re both calmer, I can hear him say what he thought was hard or unfair and learn something about myself and the process. I can then use his experience to find a solution that feels more cooperative and respectful to both of us.

I have also been keeping this poem in my mind and heart since the day he was born:

On Children: Kahlil Gibran
Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts, 
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, 
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, 
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, 
and He bends you with His might 
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies, 
so He loves also the bow that is stable.